Humorous, Adventurous and Delightful

Copyright 1994 Penguin Young Readers

 

The Amber Brown Series

By Paula Danziger

Penguin Young Readers, New York

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            Amber Brown is a fictional young girl whose parents divorce when she is in the first grade.  These chapter books for children in second through fifth grade are delightfully written and hold the reader’s interest.  Amber struggles through her parents not liking each other, living in two separate places and having step-parents.  In each book Amber encounters new challenges. Some have to do with her parents’ divorce and others are simply about life as a second through fifth grader.  Amber’s father takes a job in France when her parents separate.  Amber’s best friend moves away. Amber’s mother meets someone else and gets engaged. Amber’s school has a skunk infestation. Amber’s father returns from France and finds a place to live close to Amber.  Amber now has two homes and two families. 

            The first book in the Amber Brown series was published in 1994. Danziger does a great job of describing divorce and the changes that come with it through the eyes of an elementary school-aged child.  She weaves in the ups and downs of school, friends and teachers and deals with the topic of divorce in a very realistic and sensitive way. In addition, her books are humorous, adventurous and the characters delightful.

            If your children are reading small chapter books, then this is the series for them.  If they aren’t quite ready for chapter books, these are great books to read to them or with them.

____________________________________________

Laura Harting

            

Difficult to Recommend

Artwork copyright Albert Whitman

At Daddy’s On Saturdays

By Linda Walvoord Girard

Albert Whitman & Co., Chicago, 1987

 Reviewed by Laura Harting

            This book is quite dated with pictures of telephones with cords and letters coming in the mail.  I think a child in 2014 would have difficulty relating to these ideas and images.

            Katie’s daddy moves out and Katie feels discarded, angry, and sad.  She is worried that she might not see her father again and that he will forget about her. This story is about Daddy assuring Katie that he will not forget about her and keeping his commitment to pick her up and spend time with her every Saturday. 

            This book addresses the feelings and worries about divorce of an elementary school aged child. However, there are many other more recent books that address these same issues, making it difficult to recommend this book for a child today.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

This One's a Keeper

Cover art copyright Magination Press

I Don’t Want to Talk About It

By Jeanie Franz Ransom

Magination Press/American Psychological Association

 Washington DC, 2000

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            This book, written for the preschool and early elementary aged child, describes the reactions of a young girl at the moment in time when her parents tell her that they are getting a divorce.  This little girl wants to run like a wild horse, be prickly like a porcupine, and gobble up both her parents like a crocodile, but she does not want to hear or talk about divorce. 

I Don’t Want to Talk About It is written from the young child’s perspective and it is written well.  Most children are very interested in animals and the author's description of feelings as animals is very concrete and child-focused.  The parents in this book continue to stay with the child, encouraging her to talk, even when she roars like a lion: “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!”   The parental consistency and ability to stay with the child through her emotional outburst is a good model for divorcing parents. 

This book is colorfully illustrated and the use of animal imagery allows for some emotional distance for the reader.  The focus on the animals draws the reader into the book with a desire to turn the page to see what animal this little girl will feel like next. 

At the end of the book is a note to parents from psychologist Phillip Stahl, with tips for parenting during divorce and what to expect regarding children’s feelings.  It is good and helpful advice for parents of young children.

I like this book, despite it being written 14 years ago.  It is not greatly affected by the passage of time because of the illustrations, and the focus on animals and feelings help the text remain relevant today. 

This book is a keeper, to be read with your young child many times over.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist with a practice in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Written Especially for Girls

Artwork copyright 1999 by American Girl Publishing Inc

HELP!

A Girl’s Guide to Divorce and Stepfamilies

By Nancy Holyoke

American Girl Publishing Inc, Middleton, Wisconsin, 1999.

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            Written for girls between the ages of nine and 13, this book answers questions about divorce and remarriage sent by girls to the author, who was the founding editor of American Girl magazine.  Each page is colorfully illustrated and has a title at the top. The question underneath the title is signed with the girl’s first name or a description, e.g. “Erin” or “Scared in Florida.”

            This book was published in 1999 but the illustrations do not cause the book to look dated, in contrast to other books using photography.  What does date the book, however, is the fact that it is part of the American Girl Library, which was popular in the 1990s and early 2000s.  As a result, this book might be less appealing to girls in late elementary and middle school.

            This book addresses many issues of divorce, including violence, absent parents, managing feelings, choosing sides, parents’ dating, remarriage and stepfamilies, along with the more obvious concerns of two separate homes, the confusion of traveling back and forth, managing the different rules in each house, and celebrating the holidays.

            I like the question and answer format, as well as how this book addresses the difficult issues mentioned above. I also like the tone of the writing, which empowers girls to share their feelings and talk about what they need and what is important to them. Finally, I like the boundaries the author sets around what are considered adult responsibilities, while still addressing how girls can have an impact on adult decisions.

            While this book will be helpful in its entirety, its appeal to the target age group may be enhanced by photocopying certain pages addressing topics especially relevant to one particular girl, and allowing the child to read only what is most important to her in the moment.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

             

Addressing a Child's Feelings of Guilt

Artwork copyright 2000 by Albert Whitman

On the Day His Daddy Left

By Eric J. Adams and Kathleen Adams, LCSW

Albert Whitman & Co., Chicago, 2000

Reviewed by Laura Harting

A day in the life of an elementary school child, this books shares what it is like for Danny on the day his father moves out.  Danny writes a big question in purple marker and puts the paper in his pocket.  He shares the question with his teacher, his father, a friend, and his mother over the course of one day.  All these people answer Danny's question, “Is it my fault?” with a "No," adding their own ideas about the question and about divorce.  Danny’s mom writes “NO” in purple marker on the back of the question and gives it back to Danny to hold onto for as long as he needs to. The paper finally crumbles into tiny pieces and blows away in the wind.  

Realistically illustrated, with Danny looking about 8 years old, this book deals primarily with the feelings of guilt that children of this age can often feel.  They wonder what they did to cause the divorce and what they should do to fix it.

This would be a good book to read along with your children, because it might  open a discussion about divorce and allow you to address any feelings of guilt.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Answering Kids' Questions

Cover art copyright 1999 by Steck-Vaughn

Talking About Family Breakup

By Jillian Powell

Raintree Steck-Vaughn

Austin, Texas, 1999

Reviewed by Laura Harting

Photographs provide the illustrations for this book written for the elementary school age child.  Powell uses the text to provide answers to the most common questions this age group has about divorce. With every page turn there is a new question, starting with “What is a family?” Other, even bigger questions include “Why do families break up?”  “Who can you talk to?” “How will things change?” and “What is a stepfamily?”

Brief vignettes sprinkled throughout the book include Tom’s parents shouting, Leah’s mother scolding her, and Holly living with her mom and visiting her dad on weekends.

Published in 1999, this book is dated and the photographs make that quite obvious. In addition, some of the guidance may no longer apply. For example, the author writes “….you will probably live with one parent.” Though this was more likely to be true in the 1980s and 90s, in my practice today, more children split their time between two homes.  Though I like how this book is arranged, with the questions on each page to be answered, the dated photos and information make it hard for me to recommend.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist  in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Mister Rogers Offers Help

Let’s Talk About It: Divorce

By Fred Rogers

G.P. Putnam, New York, 1996

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            True to the style made famous by the long-running TV show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, this book is direct, clear, warm, and child-centered. It is written for the elementary school age child and the text covers the basics. Rogers begins by defining families as people who keep you safe, give you food, and take care of you. When defining divorce, Rogers mentions what changes and what stays the same in the family. Talking, drawing, and pounding clay are some of the activities he offers for coping with feelings. He also provides basic facts about divorce.

            This book remains relevant 18 years after it was published, however it is also quite dated. Children reading this book today may have a difficult time relating to the photographs.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist with a practice in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Sad, But Realistic

Cover art copyright Abdo & Daughters, 1993

Breakfast for Dinner
Part of the Children of Courage series
By Cynthia DiLaura Devore, M.D.
Published by Abdo and Daughters
Minneapolis, Minnesota, 1993

Reviewed by Laura Harting





    This book for the elementary school aged child is realistically illustrated and shares a day in the life of a young girl. Meg’s father left the night before and the book starts with Meg waking up the next morning facing her first day without her father.
    Meg has an awful day as she tries to block out the reality of her parents’ separation and ends her day on her mother’s lap having a heart-to-heart talk about feelings and divorce.
    This book is sad. I felt sad reading it. Kids often feel sad when their parents split and in that way this book seems very realistic. This would be a good book to read with a child who is sad and who needs to be comforted. The book might help the child to open up and talk about the sadness.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist with a practice in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Whose Fault Is It?

Cover art copyright 1999 by Barron's Educational Series

My Family’s Changing:
A First Look at Family Break Up

By Pat Thomas

Barron’s Educational Series

Hauppauge, New York, 1999

Reviewed by Laura Harting

This is a book for elementary school aged children, nicely illustrated and meant to provide a read-along opportunity with a parent or counselor. The author helps kids to understand what divorce is, why it happens, and what to do when it happens to you. 

     This book addresses the issue of fault in an unusual manner. Though every book I have read so far for the elementary school aged child says divorce is not the child’s fault, this book also says that it is the parents’ fault. 

The author also explains how adult relationships change over time and how this change can lead to parents not living together any more. How to cope with change is a central focus, and the author encourages children to talk about their feelings even when they don’t want to, or find talking difficult.

      My overall impression of this book is positive. I found myself thinking this would be a good book to read several times over the years as children grieve the loss of the divorce through the many changes of their development and life.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist with a practice in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Helpful, But Dated

Cover art copyright Alfred A. Knopf

How It Feels When Parents Divorce

Text and Photos by Jill Krementz

Alfred A. Knopf, New York
1984

Reviewed by Laura Harting

I began using Jill Krementz’s books How It Feels When Parents Divorce and How It Feels When a Parent Dies early in my career as a child, family, and grief therapist.  I found them very helpful to the children I was counseling.

In this book, How It Feels When Parents Divorce, 19 children share the story of their parents' divorces in their own words.  Each child's story is three to eight pages long and accompanied by two or three large, black-and-white photographs. Each story is different, and the various situations elicit a multitude of feelings expressed by the children.

Over the years, this book has been particularly engaging for the 6^th to 8^th grade children in my practice. Middle school is a very difficult time for children, developmentally and socially.  It is a time when children have difficulty tolerating being different from their peers. They often worry about something being wrong with them or their family. Divorce is a sign to a child at this age that something is very wrong.  The child avoids reading and talking about the divorce. However, when children read these stories of other children and their families going through divorce, they do not feel different or wrong and they do not feel so alone.  That is valuable for a child in this age group.

However this book, published in 1984, is quite dated in 2014.  The clothing, hair styles, and electronic devices shown in the photos make the passage of time even more noticeable. I no longer use this book because the children see how old it is and dismiss it as no longer relevant.

To address this problem, I have been trying to write a book similar to this one.  However, finding children willing to share their stories, and obtaining their parent’s permission for the stories to be published, has proven to be an arduous task. I have not yet been able to complete the project. Perhaps some day soon.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Best if Taken in Small Doses

Cover art copyright Simon & Schuster

Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids

By Isolina Ricci, Ph.D.

Simon & Schuster, New York

2006

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            Dr. Ricci wrote the book Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child for parents first and then came out with this book filled with ideas and advice for kids.  The publisher states that it was written for children between the ages of 10 and 14, but the 10-year-old would need to be an excellent reader to tackle this book. I think it is most appropriate for 12- to 15-year-olds. 

            Dr. Ricci writes with a kid-friendly, positive tone and gives a lot of information on all aspects of parental separation and divorce. She places a special focus on teaching coping skills for the different experiences divorce presents to a child.  She emphasizes coping with feelings and managing the stress that divorce causes for children.  Dr. Ricci uses terms that I have used over and over in my practice with kids, like “the miserable middle,” “train your brain,” “solution finder,” and "big questions.”  She offers tips for how to talk with your parents about difficult topics, and even gives ideas for how and what to write to parents when kids are too afraid to ask a question in person. 

            I enjoyed this book and recommend it to the kids I see who are good readers. At almost 250 pages, with lots of words on each page, this book can appear overwhelming to kids.  As one middle schooler asked me incredulously,  “I have to read all those words about divorce?”

This book may be easiest to digest in small doses. Perhaps photocopying a few pages at a time to give to your child to read may be the best way to convey this helpful information.

Laura Harting,  LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

If You Only Read One Book . . .

Cover art copyright Little, Brown and Company

Dinosaurs Divorce

A Guide for Changing Families

By Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown 

Little, Brown and Company

New York
1986, 2009

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            This is one of my all-time favorite books about divorce.  Written for the elementary school age child, it gives the child needed and helpful information about divorce in practical, easy-to-understand language.  The illustrations are funny and cute. The dinosaur characters give the child reading the book the emotional distance that allows him or her to better integrate the information. 

            This book covers all the bases, from the time of separation to the time of remarriage. It includes a discussion of topics that matter most to kids: why parents divorce, how to handle moving, adjusting to living in separate residences, expressing feelings, continuing to love both parents, becoming accustomed to dating, step-parents, step-siblings, and half siblings. The authors write simply and offer just enough information – not too little and not too much.

            The children I counsel who have read this book like it and find it very helpful. It often answers their questions, clears up their misunderstandings, and encourages them to ask more questions.  A third grader can read this book alone. A child younger than third grade can read this book with some adult help.  A glossary of terms near the beginning helps children learn the new vocabulary of divorce.

            The authors of this book got it just right. If you only read one book with your elementary school child about divorce, read this one. However, I don’t recommend reading only one book. Every child is different and different books will resonate with each child differently. Your goal is to give your child information and a voice to talk with you about divorce.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Before A Child Visits Family Court

Cover art copyright 2012 by Picture Window Books.
Used with permission

Weekends with Dad
What to Expect When Your Parents Divorce

By Melissa Higgins
Illustrated by Wednesday Kirwan
Picture Window Books, Mankato, MN
2012

Reviewed by Laura Harting

This book for elementary school children tells a story about parental separation and divorce. The story is told and illustrated from the perspective of a young fox in a small family of foxes.  Like other books of this genre, Weekends with Dad addresses the issue of child custody, family court appearances, and child support. This book is unusual, however, because it also makes mention of a school-based support group for children of divorced parents.

Children of divorcing parents often overhear adult conversations using strange new words related to court appearances, so this book is especially useful to help children understand what those words mean.  In this book, illustrated using very human-looking foxes, the school-aged fox has a meeting with a court-appointed advocate who looks like a kindly old bear who kneels down to make eye contact with the child and who asks lots of questions, including asking with whom the youngster wants to live.  My experience as a child and family therapist tells me that interviews like this can be a reality for children of divorcing parents. It is good to have an elementary school age book that talks about court appearances and how children can have input into the child custody issue. 

Like other books reviewed previously on this blog, this is another good selection to read along with a child. It seems very geared towards reading with a counselor.  However, it would also be a good book to read with a parent, especially if your child will be talking with a court advocate or attorney. The end of the book offers other resources, such as books, websites, an index, and a short glossary, which would also help adults explain difficult concepts to children.

In general, I like animal illustrations like those found in Weekends with Dad, because they provide a comforting distance for the child when reading about emotionally charged issues.  However, because the divorce is happening to the parents of the young fox in the book, and the young fox is speaking as if it is happening to him, that distance does not seem to exist here.

If you are a parent, I recommend reading this book with your child, but only if your child will be involved in a court proceeding.  I do not recommend a parent reading this book with a child who will not be interviewed by anyone in the family court system.  Introducing the concept of court involvement in situations where that will not happen could only increase the anxiety or stress your child feels about the already stressful situation of divorcing parents.


Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

A Good Book to Read With Your Child

Cover art copyright (c) Annick Press. Used with permission.

Mom and Dad Don’t Live Together Anymore

Text by Kathy Stinson

Art by Vian Oelofsen

Annick Press, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

(c) 1984, 2007 

Reviewed by Laura Harting

           This is a colorfully and realistically illustrated book for young children (pre-school and early elementary) about parents who are separated.  The young girl in the book shares her thoughts about her parents living apart and what she likes and does not like about it.  This book is  written simply, from the child's perspective, and shares what is going on in this child’s mind about her parents’ separation.
 

            This book could be a good conversation starter for parents who are separated and want to know what their young children think about them living apart. I would recommend a parent reading this book with his or her child and then asking what the child thinks about Mommy and Daddy living in two separate places.  It would be a great help for a child to think about and articulate what they like about Mommy’s house and what they like about Daddy’s house

            On one page in the book the child wonders if Daddy wants to marry someone else and on another page the child wonders if she will get married and "get apart" when she grows up. These pages open up the possibility for parents to talk about other partners in their lives and to ask their child what they wonder about

            I like Mom and Dad Don't Live Together Anymore as a “read with your child” book because of the opportunity it creates to ask about your child’s thoughts and hear what your child is thinking. It is always good to take time and open up opportunities to listen to what your child is thinking about your divorce.  

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Recommended for Teens and Parents of Teens

Cover art copyright Zest Books.
Used with permission.

Split in Two:

Keeping It Together When Your Parents Live Apart

By Karen Buscemi
Zest Books, 2009
San Francisco, CA

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            I like this book for teens whose parents are divorcing. I also like this book for parents of teens who are divorcing. 

I like this book for teens because it is easy to read, well organized and has pertinent and practical information that can be very helpful to teens whose parents are splitting up.  I like the cartoons and I like the short vignettes by teens themselves.  On top of providing useful information, this book is organized in such a way that you can just read the part that you need to know in the moment without having to read the whole book. 

            However, I received mix reviews from the teens I know who have read the book.  I have been told that some of the information is useful, but their parents don’t get along well enough for them to even consider the teenagers' needs.  For teens with embattled parents, any adolescent suggestions seem to make one or the other parent angry.  Feedback from these teens is that the teen does not have the power to negotiate, and efforts to do so result in being “yelled at,” causing more battles between the parents.  One teen shared with me that for any of these ideas to work, parents would need to get along a whole lot better than her parents. 

            My experience in the counseling room with both teens and parents is that sometimes negotiation by the teen is seen by one parent as the other parent trying to gain more control.  For example, when parents have disagreed and argued over how much time a child spends in the home of each parent, a teen trying to manage his or her school, friend, work, and activity schedules can wreak havoc on the housing schedule the parents worked so hard to create.  Parents are not ready to give up the control they received through mediation or in the courtroom and the teen is stuck having little or no input and frustrated at trying to talk about it with the parents. For this reason, I think this is also a good book for parents of teens who are divorcing to read. It can give them a heads up on how difficult it is for teens to live in two households and manage their important and busy lives. It may help parents to be more flexible and include the teen's schedule in decisions about how much time the child spends in each home. 

            I recommend this book for both teens and divorcing parents of teens.  It offers useful ideas for teens and useful insight for parents.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.