This Book is a Classic

It's Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear

By Vicki Lansky

Illustrated by Jane Prince

Book Peddlers, Minnetonka, Minnesota, 1998

Reviewed by Laura Harting

Illustration by Jane Prince

Written in the late 90s for the preschool and early elementary aged child, this book is a classic.  I don’t think it will ever go out of style.

Though the main focus of the book is to assure children that divorce is not their fault, it also addresses a child’s feelings, the difficulty of having two homes, and why parents divorce. KoKo Bear struggles with drawing a family picture at school and with forgetting things at Dad's or Mom’s house. KoKo Bear also shares mad, sad, and scared feelings and wishes they all still lived together. 

This is a book to read with your child. It asks questions to encourage discussion about feelings and there are plenty of helpful notes for parents in small type at the bottom of every page.  It is important to note that an emphasis near the end of the book is on telling KoKo Bear that they are still a family. While more recent books focus on the child now being a part of two families, this book states that MaMa and PaPa and KoKo Bear are still a family, just a family apart. 

 

I like how the book addresses feelings and why parents divorce. I like that it focuses on the divorce not being the fault of the child. I like that this is an imaginary family of bears, which maintains a helpful emotional distance for a young child. However, I found myself a bit confused by the idea that the family is still a family, only a family that lives apart. Perhaps your child will not find that confusing and may find it reassuring.

______________________________ 

Laura Harting, LCSW, sees young clients at her office in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Relatable and Readable

Dear Mr. Henshaw

By Beverly Cleary

HarperCollins Publishers

New York, 2000

Reviewed by Laura Harting

Illustration by Paul O. Zelinsky

Despite the fact the first edition of this book dates back to 1983 and kids do not write letters much any more, I have to give this book a high rating.  It is extremely well written.

Illustrated to appeal to a child in late elementary or early middle school, this book of fiction tells the story of a young boy whose father and mother separate and divorce. Leigh has a school assignment to write to an author and ask three questions. He chooses to write to Boyd Henshaw, the author of his favorite book, a dog training guide he has read many times. The author responds and then asks him several questions in return. Much to Leigh’s dismay his mother limits his access to TV until he answers all of the questions the author has asked.  After several letters, Leigh finds writing to be something that is not so bad and takes Henshaw’s suggestion to write in a journal. Leigh’s journal entries describe his life, home situation, feelings, and thoughts about many things, especially his parents' divorce.

Despite the age of this book, I think children today will find it relatable and readable.

_____________________________

Laura Harting, LCSW, sees young clients at her office in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Young Poets Speak Powerfully

Broken Hearts . . . Healing

Young Poets Speak Out on Divorce

Edited by Tom Worthen, PhD

Poet Tree Press

Logan, Utah, 2001

Reviewed by Laura Harting 

Copyright 2001 Poet Tree Press

This book for teenagers is a powerful collection of poems written by young people ages 9 to 18.   The poetry takes the reader from heartbreak to resilience as these young poets share their feelings and experiences of divorce in a particularly poignant way.  Designed to offer the reader a place to come where he or she is not alone in the pain of divorce, this book accomplishes that task. The pain is real and the feelings are raw, but the sense of camaraderie written in the pages and felt by the reader are somehow comforting. 

 

Appropriate for middle and high school students, this is a good book to read when the divorce is new and life feels chaotic and painful. Divided into chapters based on themes, it can and should be read a little bit at a time, rather than from start to finish. This book can be picked up and read for a minute or for an hour.  Read one poem and put it down, or read 25 poems that vary in how they connect with the reader’s experience.

 

I like how this book gives the children of divorce the power to share their voices. Rather than adults writing about what divorce is like for children, the children are the writers. That makes this different from any other book I have read or reviewed. 

____________________________________

 

Laura Harting, LCSW, sees young clients at her office in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

An Upbeat Take on Remarriage

Mom, Dad, & Everyone Else

Written and Illustrated by David Dickerman

Crafty Canuck Publishing

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, 2014

Reviewed by Laura Harting

Image copyright 2013 Crafty Canuck and David Dickerman

“In the beginning, there was just Mom, Dad and Me.”  So begins this upbeat new book about divorce and remarriage.  Written from the perspective of a young child, this book addresses the changes that may occur after a divorce, when Mom and Dad meet new partners and remarry.  This young child remembers what it was like when the family included just the three of them and then goes on to share about how the family grew to include step-parents, step-siblings, aunts, uncles, new neighbors, half siblings and many more.  With each new family addition, this child has interesting new and enjoyable experiences. However, important family traditions (like birthday parties) remain intact while including more people and more fun.

This is a good book for a young child, (pre-school and early elementary) whose parents have begun to introduce new partners into their children’s lives.  It focuses on the benefits of new family and friends and the positive way new people can influence a child’s life.  It is illustrated in a unique manner by using modeling clay.  It is not entirely clear whether the child at the heart of the story is a boy or a girl. Though I like the colorful pictures of the clay models, I found myself wondering, as I looked at the pictures, “Why does everyone just have a head, and where are their bodies?”  I would be interested to know if the children who read this book wonder the same thing. 

________________________________________

Laura Harting, LCSW, sees young clients at her office in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Helping Children Manage Their Homework

Image copyright 2008 Sue Rama

Where Am I Sleeping Tonight?

A Story of Divorce

By Carol Gordon Ekster

Illustrated by Sue Rama

Boulden Publishing

Weaverville, California, 2008

Reviewed by Laura Harting

A fourth-grader named Mark struggles with the challenges of being a responsible student while having parents who are divorced.  “Which house is my homework at anyway?” he wonders. Mark is afraid to come to class again without his assignment, as the words of his teacher saying “Fired! Fired! Fired!” ring in his ears. 

Written by a retired fourth-grade teacher, this nicely illustrated 24-page paperback deals with how to help children of divorced parents manage their school responsibilities.  Only an experienced and compassionate teacher could offer these helpful insights on ways to address this particular struggle for children. As Mark grapples with how to stay organized and remember his homework while living and sleeping in two different houses, he wishes he was a first grader again, like his brother Evan. The younger boy’s life seems so much easier, and Mark begins to feel resentful toward his parents who caused the whole problem by getting divorced in the first place. However, by the end of the book Mark becomes solution-focused. He begins to discover ideas for becoming more organized and responsible. Having mastered his homework problem, he even looks forward to hearing “Hired! Hired! Hired!” from his teacher.

This book is a good read for older elementary school-aged children on how to solve problems and manage their school lives while living in a shared custody arrangement. It is also a good reality check for parents and step-parents. Reading it might help these adults become more sensitive to the peculiar difficulties and challenges that young children face following a divorce. 

__________________________________

Laura Harting, LCSW sees clients
at her office in Paoli, Pennsylvania.

Humorous, Adventurous and Delightful

Copyright 1994 Penguin Young Readers

 

The Amber Brown Series

By Paula Danziger

Penguin Young Readers, New York

Reviewed by Laura Harting

            Amber Brown is a fictional young girl whose parents divorce when she is in the first grade.  These chapter books for children in second through fifth grade are delightfully written and hold the reader’s interest.  Amber struggles through her parents not liking each other, living in two separate places and having step-parents.  In each book Amber encounters new challenges. Some have to do with her parents’ divorce and others are simply about life as a second through fifth grader.  Amber’s father takes a job in France when her parents separate.  Amber’s best friend moves away. Amber’s mother meets someone else and gets engaged. Amber’s school has a skunk infestation. Amber’s father returns from France and finds a place to live close to Amber.  Amber now has two homes and two families. 

            The first book in the Amber Brown series was published in 1994. Danziger does a great job of describing divorce and the changes that come with it through the eyes of an elementary school-aged child.  She weaves in the ups and downs of school, friends and teachers and deals with the topic of divorce in a very realistic and sensitive way. In addition, her books are humorous, adventurous and the characters delightful.

            If your children are reading small chapter books, then this is the series for them.  If they aren’t quite ready for chapter books, these are great books to read to them or with them.

____________________________________________

Laura Harting

            

Difficult to Recommend

Artwork copyright Albert Whitman

At Daddy’s On Saturdays

By Linda Walvoord Girard

Albert Whitman & Co., Chicago, 1987

 Reviewed by Laura Harting

            This book is quite dated with pictures of telephones with cords and letters coming in the mail.  I think a child in 2014 would have difficulty relating to these ideas and images.

            Katie’s daddy moves out and Katie feels discarded, angry, and sad.  She is worried that she might not see her father again and that he will forget about her. This story is about Daddy assuring Katie that he will not forget about her and keeping his commitment to pick her up and spend time with her every Saturday. 

            This book addresses the feelings and worries about divorce of an elementary school aged child. However, there are many other more recent books that address these same issues, making it difficult to recommend this book for a child today.

Laura Harting, LCSW, is a child and family therapist in Paoli, Pennsylvania.